This morning I found out from my older sister that my father had passed away. It was sort of expected but not entirely. Even though I haven't been very close to my father the last few years it's still a sad day, needless to say.
Life goes on and with my kids it's as busy as ever. Just today my son Hudson officially rolled over (it was witnessed by all the kids except Kelton). I love those moments and I don't want to miss any if possible. My kids didn't really know him and I suspect that is one of the things that makes me the most sad. Even Alison didn't know him that well. Except for my siblings I'm left to grieve on my own. Not even my mother will grieve for him. He caused too much damage years before and I don't think she has any tears left to shed.
The mere fact of what could have been is probably the most troubling of all. My dad just didn't seem to want to have a connection me, my siblings and our children. I'm not sure I'll ever understand that one. I'd like to believe that he was willing to reconcile before he had his 1st stroke. At least he seemed willing after a conversation I had with him prior. After the stroke, however, he didn't seem to know us or if he did know us it was like a distant memory. I guess I'll never know if there could have been some kind of reconciliation. I think I'll be more content believing that it could've been different.
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